Middle school no one thought I was cool
But now I’m hot enough to steal your man
All the dudes never thought I was cute
But now I’m hot enough to steal your man
I realized with a lot of surprise
That now I’m hot enough to steal your man
Yeah I’m hot enough to steal your man
But I’m not gonna steal your man
Hot damn god damn

Now I’m hot enough to steal your man
But I’m not gonna do that shit just cause I can
Take the time that I was hanging at the bar with my friends
But later on they told me something I could hardly expect

They said Alex you should watch out for so and so’s girlfriend
I think she’s jealous cause she thinks you two are flirting
She thinks you’re disrespectful, she says she feels resentful
I didn’t notice she was there, guess I was real neglectful

But really nothing could be further from the truth
I just fail to notice people other than myself, oops
See I thought that I was minding my business as a performer
But she thought that I was crossing a boundary and ignoring her (what)

Blindsided but in hindsight I’m pretty flattered
That people think I’m attractive enough to really matter
And think it conceivable that I could steal their men now
I can’t believe that women find me a threat now
Wow

Growing up I was ugly as fuck
But now I’m hot enough to steal your man
All the guys were averting their eyes
But now I’m hot enough to steal your man
I had to learn with a lot of concern
That now I’m hot enough to steal your man
Yeah I’m hot enough to steal your man
But I’m not gonna steal your man
Hot damn god damn

Ugly teenage phase yeah we’ve all been through it
The guys who didn’t date me baby all of them blew it
Couldn’t see past the glasses and acne and metal braces
Their faces when they see that I’m attractive would be amusing

But truly I’d rather have all this access to new pursuits
Cause the glow up has been real and the fact is I’m super cute
And after a show there’s always a couple that’s on a date
Watch them coming to the table with her arm around his waist
Like

Don’t worry baby girl, I'm not a homewrecker
I won’t approach your homie, he should really know better
I’ll let him make his own decisions he’s a grown man
Exercise his independence like only adults can

And, if I could steal him he ain’t worth your time
Find a dude who values you more than my stupid perfect rhymes
Though I sympathize if he can’t resist the enigma
Cause I’m balling like I’m rolling a 20 on my Charisma
Yeuh

As a teen I had low self esteem
But now I’m hot enough to steal your man
All the men gave me four out of ten
But now I’m hot enough to steal your man
I found out through my lingering doubt
That now I’m hot enough to steal your man
Yeah I’m hot enough to steal your man
But I’m not gonna steal your man
God damn

I’m not a scumbag Stacy I respect you, boo
And I respect your crusty homie standing next to you
But if you’re questioning your status and it’s making you lose it
Well then screw it, as a psych major I’ll talk you through it

See if you can’t talk about it in the open that’s some bad news
Miscommunication’s permanent like tattoos
So not exactly, but it hurts when you go back to fix it
So have an honest chat unless you’re into masochism

And to the men, well I think I understand
Why you consist of seventy percent of my fans
I can see you fricking thirsting, don’t you think that I can’t
I’m glad you dig the tunes but please do keep your dicks in your pants

But really
I’m hot enough but I haven’t grown out of feeling ugly
Change comes from within but also those who love me
So ladies talk to your man make sure that he’s in love with you
If I can steal him baby he ain’t good enough for you