Hi, I’m LEX the Lexicon Artist, and this is Alter Ego: Explained.
Disappointment is a song about pedestals, rose colored glasses, and disillusionment in love. It’s a quote-unquote breakup song that, like Infosession, is a loose conglomeration of various real-life romantic connections I’ve had over the years. To not single anyone out, I kept it vague and crafted an abstract imaginary love interest inspired by certain overlaps in my many experiences. Thematically, it lives in the same emotional home as The Redesign; both are melancholy and bittersweet songs about how your feelings for a significant other have changed. Disappointment, however, sounds a lot more like a victory lap. Coming near the end of the album, and right after the mind-altering revelations of “Loss of Ego”, it points to a significant change in the protagonist’s outlook when it comes to love.
Disappointment was the only song with a collaborator who I worked with in person. In 2019 Chris Songco and I met up at his apartment in San Francisco to write some music, and we developed a song concept for a old beat of his called French Octopus. I actually first heard French Octopus in 2017 when Chris and I first met, but we never came up with a concept for it beyond the words “lonely octopus”. Sitting down together two years later helped us settle on an idea that was relatable for both of us. In the song, we’re not actually talking to each other, but to our respective disappointments. I think the song can be summed up with what’s probably my favorite line: “Put you up too high, now you’re letting me down. Now I can see the sky better as I’m hitting the ground.”
During this session Chris also came up with the chorus, of which he sent me two versions. We both agreed that despite bearing some resemblance to “Closer” by the Chainsmokers, the chorus was good and very catchy. It also inspired me to use a more singsongy rapping style throughout the song, to match Chris’s natural style. After the session, I was asked to choose between the two lyrical versions of the chorus, and my decision was: “Why not both?” I liked the idea of the second version being a bridgelike transition into the final chorus, and it worked out great. The peppy yet melancholy beat, which Chris described as feeling like “a lonely octopus traveling the world”, lent itself really well to a bittersweet, wistfully hopeful song about heartbreak and personal growth.
Sup, I’m Chris Songco, the producer and feature vocalist on track 15 off Alter Ego “Disappointment”.
Lol yeah this song is super real. It’s about putting another person on a pedestal. Getting lost in the sauce of who you idealize them to be and how you see yourself feeling when you’re with them. All these fantasies. This track is a cold bucket of water to the face, telling you that even a person you really really like is far from perfect, you know? They have flaws, lapses in judgment, and they can definitely disappoint you.
This beat in my catalog was originally called “Lonely Octopus” which kinda matches cuz an octopus has a lot of limbs. Limbs that can reach for an infinite amount of objects the same way we reach for an infinite amount of excuses to be treated poorly by someone we’ve given too much power to. Sorry im really a sadboi so, uh yeah.
When labbing the song, LEX and I came up with a few different choruses. One had to do with the metaphor of building somebody up on a structure and then not being able to reach them. The other dealt with more, like, astrological metaphors of seeing someone like a star deity or constellation that they wish to. I’m really glad we are able to incorporate both of those ideas into this song and have them speak to the main message.
Overall, Disappointment is a very personal song and I hope listeners can relate to it and reflect on areas where they may be too bedazzled to see reality. I wish you all well.
LEX the Lexicon Artist combines Internet culture, fandom, punk ethos, and shock humor (not the mean kind) to create an over-the-top explosion of nerdy, dirty, funny raps.
Soul-searching hip-hop from this Florida rapper, with lyrics that dig deep and take an unflinching look at life’s questions. Bandcamp New & Notable May 1, 2023
I needed to be delighted by something this year. Maybe you did too? Mr. Darklord stepped up to the plate to create a little sparkle in the stream of the world's sludge. STD is a very, very bad man. NOT! Most definitely not. escapementdog
